The Onion: Rules Grammar Change
Tag Archives: just for fun
Plug in a city and a sect, and Slate’s computer will do the rest.
An ancient code in the monuments of Los Angeles.
A murderous cult determined to protect it.
A desperate race to uncover the Scientologists’ darkest secret.
The Forgotten Tomb
When world-famous Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to the Chateau Marmont to analyze a mysterious geometric form—etched into the floor next to the disemboweled corpse of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Quintinistas, a secret branch of the Scientologists that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.
Langdon’s worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Quintinistas appears at the Griffith Observatory to deliver a deadly ultimatum: Deposit $1 billion in the Scientologists’ off-shore bank accounts or the exclusive clothier of the Swiss Guards will be bankrupted. Racing against the clock, Langdon joins forces with the taut and mysterious daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult’s secret plan.
Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdon and his companion follow a 700-year-old trail through Los Angeles’s most historic churches and sacred buildings, pursued by a hypoglycemic assassin the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to L. Ron Hubbard and the very founding of the Scientologists.
Now you try.
Faced with ongoing budget crises, underfunded schools nationwide are increasingly left with no option but to cut the past tense—a grammatical construction traditionally used to relate all actions and states that have transpired at an earlier point in time—from their standard English and language arts programs.
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